Dear Teenagers, GO TO BED! (Your Parents Want To Have Sex)

Dear Teenage Children,

As your parents, we enjoy hanging out with you in the evening, playing games, and chatting.  Sometimes you stay up later than us doing homework watching TV, or texting. I am sure you are oblivious to the fact that your late night tendencies are putting a damper on your parents’ sex life.  Is this something we should talk about?  Well probably not, unless we want to pay for your counseling.  But if we were going to talk about it, here is what I would tell you.

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When you have your own children, you will one day realize how precious the few hours after the kids are in bed is to your marriage.  It’s worth more than TY Beanie Babies™ at the peak of their popularity or an i-Pod™ with Flappy Bird on it in 2014.  You and your spouse will look forward to spending time together, binging on Netflix, eating food you’ve hidden from the kids in the cupboard and snuggling.  Snuggling will often lead to some hanky panky, and I’m not talking about the snack mix.  Other times it ends up with you drooling on your hubby’s chest and missing half an episode of Fixer Upper.  I hate when I miss the reveal!

As your children grow older you will soon realize that your precious alone time is in jeopardy.  The kids will start staying up late and your alone time will shrink to a mere fifteen minutes before bed.  On one hand, hanging out with your kids as they get older is a blast and you will be thankful your kids want to spend time with you!  On the other hand, sometimes you really just want to head up to bed “early” so you can be alone.  But then you have to worry about your kids hearing you or worse yet, walking in on you.  No child wants to be scarred with the sights and/or sounds of their parents’ love life.  We get it, we were teenagers once too!

This is why we started buying your favorite snacks and sending you to the basement to watch TV.  We did something similar when you were a toddler. A big thanks to Dora the Explorer and Goldfish crackers, allowing toddler parents everywhere to have sex. Now you also know why we started listening to smooth jazz music on Pandora and stocking the fridge with snacks when you were in high school. You thought your parents were just getting old, but we really wanted to have sex without you hearing us.

We don’t really want you to know what we are doing in our bedroom.

But at the same time, I do want you to know.  I want you to know that sex is a big benefit of being married.  It’s not just for making babies and happens more than just on anniversaries and birthdays.   I know you think we are old and boring, but we’re really not.  The best part is, it’s fun and we enjoy it!  This is why we make out in the kitchen.  Well and we enjoy grossing you out.  Truthfully though, we want to be an example of a healthy marriage.  That includes making out and also going to bed before your kids do some nights.

Someday down the road, you will thank us for this letter, as you wait for your teenagers to go to bed so you can have sex.  Our advice to you, make sure the fridge is stocked with snacks your kids love, suggest a good movie on Netflix, head up to your bedroom, lock your door, turn up the jazz music and most of all, have fun!   You can thank us later!


Your Jazz-Loving Parents

2 Responses to Dear Teenagers, GO TO BED! (Your Parents Want To Have Sex)

  1. Jenny M August 11, 2016 at 1:45 pm #

    Ange, you are great! I love you! You took the words right out of our mouths!


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