“Mom, What Are You Eating?”- Test Your Child’s Vision and Hearing AT HOME!

Hearing, humor, mom humor, mom needs one minute alone, snack, Test, trying to get kids to pick up, vision, when kids don't listen, when mom tries to have a snack

Did you receive a call from your child’s school indicating that perhaps your child needs a vision or hearing test? Skip the hassle of calling for an appointment and schlepping your brood to a germ-infested waiting room during flu season. Just use these fail-proof at-home tests instead!

Near Vision Test:

Materials needed:

  • 1 or more items left on floor
  • 1 child
  • 1 parent with a pointing finger

First, parent should say, “please pick that up” while pointing to an item on the floor in close proximity to the child. Note: to make sure that you get accurate results on this vision test, check to make sure that you haven’t inadvertently asked them to pick up an invisible item (invisible items at my house are things like single socks, LEGOS, used tissues, dirty laundry and school folders, but they may vary by child/household). 

Scoring the Test:

Did your child pick up the item you pointed to without any additional coaching? If yes, your child’s near vision is above average. 

If your child picked up the item once you described the item further, or even nudged it with your toe, then your child has average near vision. 

If your child did not pick the item up, try and repeat the test with different items, just to make sure that you didn’t accidentally use an invisible item. If they still do not pick it up, your child has below average near vision.

Distance Vision Test:

Materials needed: 

  • 1 single plain m&m candy
  • 1 child
  • 1 parent

Settle child into a coveted activity such as watching a show or other screen time. Parent should then move to the farthest possible part of the house that is still technically within sight of the child. Parent should very discreetly eat one single plain m&m. 

Scoring the Test:

Does your child know what color m&m you just ate? If yes, your child’s distance vision is above average.

Did your child ask, “What are you eating?” If yes, your child’s distance vision is average.

Did your child fail to notice you eating an m&m? If yes, your child’s distance vision is below average, but you are still a winner because you can eat candy without interrogation!

Hearing, humor, mom humor, mom needs one minute alone, snack, Test, trying to get kids to pick up, vision, when kids don't listen, when mom tries to have a snack

Test materials are conveniently some of my favorite snack items…and that’s no accident.

Hearing Test:

Materials Needed:

  • 1 snack item in a crinkly package
  • 1 child
  • 1 parent

Again, settle child into a highly-desirable activity such as watching a show or other screen time. Parent should then move to the farthest possible part of the house that is still technically within earshot of the child. Parent should open the snack item as quietly as possible.

Scoring the Test:

Does your child know the type of snack you just opened, simply by how it sounded? If yes, your child has above average hearing.

Did your child ask, “What are you opening? Is it something to eat?” If yes, your child’s hearing is average.

Is your child oblivious to the fact that you just opened a snack? If so, your child’s hearing is below average, but you are still a winner because you can have a snack without interruption!

Test Limitations:

These tests are only fail-proof when used on subjects under the age of 18. Testing the vision and/or hearing of your adult spouse requires vastly different materials and techniques like getting an oil change or putting the milk away!

, , , , , , , , ,

2 Responses to “Mom, What Are You Eating?”- Test Your Child’s Vision and Hearing AT HOME!

  1. Julie M March 13, 2018 at 9:15 am #

    In my household without children, the tests are similar: 1. Test dog’s hearing: in farthest room from dog, open cheese package. 2. Test spouse’s site: may also use mail, gloves, or any other item that does not belong on kitchen counter.

    • Kahla
      Kahla March 13, 2018 at 9:41 am #

      See, the tests are universal! 🙂